I Don’t Want to Be a Paranoid Mama

We live in large planned community that is surrounded by farms.  No major crimes, kids run free in the parks, there are not even any registered sex offenders within a significant radius of our community. Overall, I would consider our area to be safe. As safe as any small town neighborhood can be these days. 

However, since the Sandy Hook shootings, I have found myself a little more aware. Maybe even a little more paranoid and I don’t like it. I don’t want to be a paranoid mom. So let me tell you how this all started…

A couple of weeks ago, Eph and I arrived at the bus stop only to find a older middle school boy waiting for the elementary school bus. He looked pretty harmless. Oddly tall and lanky for his age, wire rimmed glasses and he was reading some YA book with a dragon on the cover. He never looked up as the bus arrived. The bus door opened, our driver joked to him about missing the bus. He half smiled and then took a seat in the Kindergarten section. 

When I first watched this situation unfold, I thought, “wow, what a great young man, willing to ride the elementary school bus just to get to school two hours late.” Then I found myself thinking the worst and I became a paranoid mama. 

My brain started racing: What was he wearing? Could he have been hiding something in his backpack? What about under his coat? Did anyone know him? Are we sure that he even went to the middle school? Could this young man be a danger to my child? Should I call the school? Should I call the bus depot? What should I do?

Then as quickly as these panicked thoughts raced through my mind, I tried to calm them. I don’t want to be this person? I don’t want to be fearful when my child goes off to school. I don’t want to be afraid of life and I don’t want my kids to be either. 

I don’t know about you but I find it very difficult, in today’s world, not to be a paranoid mama. There is so much to be afraid of and so much to protect our kids from that even the “normal” and “good” has the ability to send shivers up our spines. 

So this morning, as I watched Eph round the corner to the bus and I saw the lanky, book reading kid taking his steps onto the bus, I tried to put my fears out out of my mind. It was hard, really hard but I know I have to do it. For me and for my kids because I really don’t want to be a paranoid mama. 

Do you find it hard to not be a paranoid mama?