I Don’t “Want” to Believe Anymore

Our family loves the “magic” of the holidays. Sneaky Elfs, Old St. Nick, the Tooth Fairy, and the Easter Bunny. My kids also believe in tangle fairies and treat monsters too. Those last two are mommy inventions used to ease fears and explain those rats nests in our morning hair. Like I said, we love a little magic. 

I knew the time was coming that Eph was going to start questioning all the little mystical characters of his childhood. I knew that his friends were going to give him a hard time about still believing. I was already prepared with answers that would not be lies but still help him hold on to his childhood just a little longer.

Part of me isn’t just doing this for him. I am also doing it for Lu (and Ezra too). I know that once he knows the truth, the chances of him telling Lu is pretty high. Eph has ADHD and impulsively spits stuff out. The likelihood of Lu making it all the way until 8, like him, has pretty low odds. 

So, yesterday, when he casually mentioned that he “doesn’t want to believe anymore” I kind of cringed and then I caught the word want. See not believing and not wanting to believe are two totally different things. And the difference is quite significant. 

He still believes, he just doesn’t want to seem childish to his friends. He doesn’t want to be the kid that still believes in the Easter bunny but he is. And the great thing about it? Is that it only takes a little speck of magic to continue believing. 

I didn’t pressure the conversation or try to convince him otherwise. I just heard him out and changed the subject. 

Then last night, after the baskets had been secretly placed and the eggs hidden, I was awoken by a sleeping boy leaping out of his bed and running down the stairs. He came back wide eyed and slightly delirious convinced he had just seen a pair of bunny ears dart out of the house.

According to Eph, the Easter Bunny is white and much smaller than he imagined. He has talked about it all day today. Even Lu is convinced. It looks like someone breathed life into that little speck of magic making it burn another season. 

Now we just need to lose a tooth.