God, Co-Sleeping & Crying

I wasn’t planning on writing this today but as I have milled around my house, this post has brewed in my heart and mind. I am not sure what it was about this week but there was a lot of Facebook clamor about co-sleeping, the “cry it out” (CIO) method and attachment parenting. One blogger wrote a fantastic article in support of CIO and another that I read wrote a humble article about why she won’t be using CIO this time around. I read them both with interest but only chose to comment on the latter as it agrees with my perspective. By all means I realize that nothing I say on someone’s personal blog is going to change their mind about such a sensitive topic.

Then this morning, a friend of mine posted a comment on her FB page asking for advice about when it was the right time to move her 2 month old baby into her own room. There were 9 comments. Several people adamantly in support of moving the baby “as soon as possible” to prevent “neediness” and so that the Mom “could sleep better.” There were two of us who mentioned in room cribs and co-sleeping as a possible choice. I got an “Amen” on mine and the other Mom got a few likes.  Regardless though, I couldn’t help but feel bad for this young, new mom. She was simply looking for advice and instead she got a small taste of the “Mommy Wars” on her page.

I would love to say that I don’t have an opinion or that I think that parents should be able to do what is “right for them”. However, {honestly} I have a very strong opinion about attachment parenting and I do quietly (secretly) judge parents for their choices. I wish I could say I didn’t but I am trying to be transparent here. My guess is that if each of us were honest about things like breast-feeding, co-sleeping, attachment parenting, cloth diapers and baby wearing. We would all see that we have fairly strong opinions that keep us from truly being neutral and embracing the “do what is best for your family” philosophy.

As a Christian I believe that there are strong Biblical principles surrounding my parenting choices. If you are not a Christian, that is fine. I understand. I have great friends with similar parenting styles that don’t think we are created by God. However, I do and it strongly influences how I raise my children.

I love Psalm 139 and I think it speaks to the depth of God’s choice in creating us as small and helpless. He is God. He could have easily made us independent and self-sufficient from birth.  We could have been hatched from eggs like turtles or birthed as litters like dogs. Think of how easily it would have been to populate the earth if our mother had 5 or 6 of us at a time and then a year later we could have our own 5 or 6. We could be like a horse whose calf is standing within minutes of being born. Yet that is not how He designed it.

He created each of us as tiny and helpless beings. Fully formed yet completely fragile. We are grown in our mother’s womb and then delivered onto the earth. We can not crawl or walk. We can not forage for our own food or find our own warmth. We are completely and utterly dependent and I believe God had a reason for that.

I believe that he wants us to learn dependence. Learn trust. Learn obedience. If we can’t depend on our earthly parents to give comfort and meet our needs, then how can we learn to depend on a heavenly Father that we can not see or hear?

Now, I realize that putting your child in its own crib and allowing him to cry is not neglect. I get it. I am saying that I have no desire to ever hear my child cry over their basic needs not being met. I want to be the first face he sees when he is hungry, scared, or tired. I want to predict his needs (when possible) and meet them. I want him to know that he can depend on me. To never doubt. To never worry or wonder. I don’t want to let him believe that he is on his own to “self soothe” or self comfort.  At least, not until he is ready. Strangely enough, each of my older children have eventually come to an age where they eagerly sought their independence.

God gives us several good examples of a child “needing” his mother in the Bible. Take Moses, God saved him and then arranged to have him placed back with his mother until he weaned. Hannah dedicated Samuel at the temple but he also stayed with his mom until he weaned. Weaning age in that culture is thought to be around age 2. TWO. Not 6 weeks, not 6 months but age 2. We can assume that most babies spent the first two years of their life dependent on their mothers.Even our own sweet baby Jesus, God in the flesh, was sent here as a tiny babe, dependent on Mary. I mean, He was God. Helpless. Dependent. Don’t you think that God did that for a reason?

Now you may think I am reading to much into this. You may think that I am taking it a bit to far. I might be. It’s ok. I just wish that my fellow brother’s and sister’s in Christ would worry less about how they can hurry their little ones along to independence and more about creating an infallible bond like the one our God wants to have with us. I wish that we could see how unique our design is compared to that of other animals and nurture that relationship to its fullest.

So for me, I will keep breastfeeding, babywearing, co-sleeping and cuddling my little guy until he doesn’t need it anymore. I will use this very special time to teach him about love and sacrifice. I will do my best to demonstrate unconditional earthly love just like the love that our Father has for us.