Today is one of those days that makes your heart sink a tiny bit. A bittersweet day for those of us who have experienced the heartbreak of staring an ultrasound monitor and knowing that something just wasn’t right. Or the sickening feeling with those familiar cramps creep up on us unexpectedly, even though we had recently seen that glorious pink cross on the drug store pregnancy test.
As someone who has spent years dealing with infertility and suffered from multiple pregnancy losses, I have always loved Psalm 139. For many years it has served as my infertility song. It has held a special place in my heart and comforted through so many losses. Recently, my small group completed Beth Moore’s study Secrets. In this study, she highlighted a part of the Psalm that I had never really considered.
15 My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place,
when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.
I want to mention it here because it healed something in my heart.
Here it is:
There is a period of time when the baby has been conceived and a women can test for pregnancy. It is just a few days but in those few days there is only ONE, who knows that you exist. For a period of time a baby is a “secret” and only God knows. He knew me. He knew you and he knows each and everyone of our lost babies. They were known even before we knew and they are not forgotten.
Tonight I pray for some special ladies.
My sweet friend Melissa who has just experienced her first loss.
My sweet friend Holly who’s little one only spent 2 days earth side before returning to heaven.
My sweet friend Ani, who’s four lost babies are forever a missing part of her family.
My sweet friend Angie, who’s lost babies blessed me because their mother has been my wonderful prayer warrior.
My sweet friend Jill, who’s little one made it to 39 weeks but never breathed this side of earth.
My sweet friend Amanda, who is currently loving on her rainbow baby after devastating losses.
My sweet friend Heather, who has a beautiful rainbow baby and lit a candle for her missing one tonight.
I could go on and on.
And I praise God for his redeeming love for me. That he can take my broken heart and heal it.
So tonight as I cuddle up to my 3rd rainbow baby, I will remember each one of mine that are nestled in the arms of an angel and I will pray for peace and hope to the multitude of other mom’s that I haven’t mentioned already.
He knew them in the secret place.
If you would like prayer or to share your loss story, please feel free to post in the comments.
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Praying for you and all the women you listed and your babies! This is not our forever home. May you look forward to being reunited again!
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