When Mom has a Horrible No Good Very Bad Day

Let me just tell you how a Mom’s day can go from bad to worse to complete chaos in less than 12 hours.

First your 4  year old wakes up professing to see a giant mouse and a baby mouse nesting in her room when in turn she really just has a high fever and an unexplained rash.

Then you decide the best course of action is to take said sick child and your infant to the walk in hours that start at 7:30am.

The doctor thinks it might be strep so the swab her throat which immediately causes said sick child to vomit all over herself, you and the floor.

But your newly diagnosed Deaf baby has an extremely important eye exam at 9:00am, 30 minutes away, that you have already rescheduled twice and it took more than a month to get in.

So you decide that going is more important than smelling fresh and you pack up sick stinky kid (who tested negative for strep), sleeping baby and yourself from the pediatricians office and head out on the highway.

While you are driving down the highway when you suddenly realize the baby hasn’t eaten in a long time and you feel that sudden tingling that alerts you that you are about to let down.

Which wouldn’t be a problem except you forgot your fabulous Milk Diaper pads.

And now you are not only covered in throw-up but you also have two huge wet rings on your shirt.

So you scrounge around in your car and thankfully find a nice dark jacket. You will be hot and smell like a combination of sour milk and throw up but at least no one will be staring at your breasts.

You arrive on time at the eye doctors office with your hungry baby and sick kid.

Things seem to be improving.

They take you back to the room where you sincerely apologize for the smell and assure them that you flushed and crying child is sick but not contagious and they look at you like you have 3 heads.

And you might just ramble a bit.

Then your baby starts crying so you start to feed him but you are slightly engorged and he guzzles more than he can handle. So he pulls off and milk sprays out all over.

That’s when you start to think it can’t get any worse.

But it does.

Because just then the nice new doctor lady begins her exam on the baby’s eyes and is leaning in close with some kind of prism thingy and said hungry baby projectile vomits breast-milk all over the nice lady doctor, you and the floor.

You clean up as best as possible and start the exam again.

While rambling apologies and once again assuring them that crying sick child is not really contagious.

And baby throws up again.

Only this time it’s not as projectile like and its more all over you.

And you realize that it’s only 9:30am.

And you wish that you could just go to back to bed or start drinking.

But instead you just start praying for the rapture.

And a shower.