Adopting a Change of Heart

Infertility and pregnancy loss is my testimony. It is the single most challenging, life altering and difficult aspect my adult life. It changed the way that I thought about my body, about motherhood and especially about my faith. As we walked down this path I found that the most meaningful of people would often ask me why we “didn’t just adopt.”

I didn’t have an answer. I just knew deep in my soul that God was not calling us to adoption. I felt confident of God’s promise to give me the desires of my heart and that was through the conception and birthing of my own children. Even when we finally decided to quit our infertility treatments, adoption was not on my mind.

As close friends and women in the infertility ministry began the process of adoption I still didn’t hear the call. I would see the pain, struggle and heartbreak of these mothers and I was certain it was something I couldn’t handle. Adoption, like infertility is challenging and I am not sure, in all the broken parts of my heart, that I could stand the loss of a child in this way.

Once we were blessed with our little Deaf miracle baby, something inside of me started to stir. I knew for certain that at age 40, my pregnancy days were over. I have peace with my body’s failures and it’s successes. I cherish the last days of my humongous kicking belly and relish in every nursing session that we have left.

Except now, that stirring has become a calling and I see God’s plan all coming together. His great, amazing story written just for us.

I don’t think that Ezra’s deafness is just a genetic roll of the dice. I believe that God blessed us with Ez, 4 years after Lulu because He has something greater in store for us.

Isaiah: 55:9
“As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.

Over the past year, my heart has been linked to the world’s orphans. Friends of mine who have adopted special needs children from other countries have planted seeds in my heart through their pictures and stories. Friends that are serving missions in orphanages and others who are starting their own families through adopting have raised up in me a new passion for the orphaned child.

Throughout the Bible, God is clear that we are called to take care of the orphans. There are over 25 verses in the Bible telling us that as Christians it is our duty to care for the orphan and widow.

James 1:27
Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.

There has been a new calling placed on my heart. One that has forced me into adopting a change of heart. To step away from my fears and become a willing vessel of service. This journey will not be easy but I am confident that God has already numbered the hairs on our future child’s head.

I hope you will follow our story as we start the process of adoption. We will be applying for a “special focus” child from China. We are specifically looking for a Deaf child, preferably a girl and to keep birth order. This is not a small order but I am believing for a quick and perfect match.

If you have adopted or have an orphan serving story to share, please leave me a comment. I am looking to build my village of prayerful mothers like you.