It has been a long, draining and emotional week. Last Thursday I flew to my home town with the only responsibility to finish cleaning out my Mama’s house. All of the generic stuff had been boxed up and donated. What remained was all the heart and soul of my childhood. My pictures, baby book, first shoes, Baptism candle, cards, letters and a never-ending stream of tears. Many things I hadn’t seen since my parent’s divorce 22 years ago.
There were many cards and pictures that I didn’t even know existed but one of the most amazing things was finding a letter from my Mom that was written in 1999, long before her cancer diagnosis. A letter prepared for me to find when she was no longer with us. Placed neatly on the inside of a box, as soon as I saw it, my heart sank. Her handwriting and my name, two of the things I miss the most about her was staring at me from the past.
It was a cathartic cry and I am so thankful for the little gifts that she left me to find.
In addition to the little notes from my Mom, I was also continually blessed by my grandmother. She loved handwritten notes and my Mom had literally kept every one. Every time I came across a little note of her’s, I was blessed with a message from the Lord. Every card, every note had a scripture or prayer. Whenever it hurt to much to go on, I would come across another one of these little messages and be reminded not only of my grandmother’s love but of her faithfulness in believing my Mom would one day be saved.
Each message, each verse speaking to my heart. Helping me to continue the task at hand and keeping me from falling apart. These amazing little gifts from the past were exactly what my soul needed to heal, to move forward and to find the joy that my Mom would want me to have.
I miss her so much. I don’t know if it will ever end.