A couple of weeks ago, I was at my running club and made a fairly casual comment about having to take it easy because we are in our “10 day infertility window.” After I made the comment I quickly noticed an awkward silence and some blank stares. It felt as if I had just announced that I was really a leprechaun or possibly that I had once been a lion tamer in the circus.
I initially dismissed their strange response but as the days have gone on, I keep seeing the visual of their blank stares and hearing the awkward silence and I can’t help but wonder if “infertility” is some how a dirty word.
I am pretty open about our quest to conceive. I believe that my daughter is a miracle and that God provided us the path and the medical interventions necessary to conceive her. I know that without medical interventions my chances of conceiving are very slim (barring God healing my old eggs). When people inquire about our future family plans, I will make the joke that I “pay” and pray for my babies and that I will take as many as God has planned for me.
Needless to say, I am still wondering what makes the mention of “infertility treatments” so taboo? There is current research that show that 1:4 women today experience some type of infertility or pregnancy loss. Adoption ministries and groups have public advertising. There is regular commentary on day time television about actresses that conceive through infertility treatments yet, when I mention it a group of every day women there is shock and silence.
It isn’t like I went on to explain all the personal details of an IUI procedure. I didn’t even mention it. Heck, I wasn’t even talking about my sex life, unless you consider the word “infertility” akin to sexual conduct. I only said the word “infertility.”
So, my question for my readers, Is a discussion on infertility dirty or taboo? Would it make you uncomfortable if another women mentions that she is trying to conceive through infertility treatments? Is the information just too personal to share?
Infertility is very largely misunderstood. I don’t think people understand it as a “PROBLEM” – especially when so many (and perhaps too many) young women get pregnant so easily. I also have to say that it saddens me that you describe yourself as having “old eggs.” I have done some research into this. What one RE calls “old eggs” – another RE says “does not respond well to FSH…” Your eggs aren’t old if you can produce two beautiful children. 🙂
It would not make me uncomfortable. It would only make me want to hug you and pray for you. And since I can’t hug you, I’ll pray that God will send you that blessing you desire, whichever way He decides to do. He is always, always in control!
I certainly don’t think it’s a dirty word, but often I just don’t know the “right” way to respond when someone mentions they are struggling with infertility. I don’t struggle with it and I don’t have that pain so I don’t know what sorts of things to say that wouldn’t make me seem ignorant or cause more pain. I think that’s the biggest thing that would cause an awkward silence by me. Not that infertility is a dirty word. It’s more that it’s a painful word and I don’t want to say something that would hurt.
I don’t think its a dirty word at all. If you can’t have a child one way I would try another way. I think its a blessing that you are going to have a child even if it has to be done that way.
Hi! I stumbled across your blog by complete accident, but now I am beginning to think was it? An accident? I thought I would chime in with my 2 cents (or lack there-of) on the question you’ve given… 🙂
As a fellow IF’r, I don’t know if I would go as far as to say its taboo, but the world needs more IF’rs like you and I–who aren’t afraid to share their experiences in what can be such an isolating experience for some women. It was for me. I felt completely alone and ashamed while going through infertility procedures. So, Thank you for not being ashamed. I think people fail to embrace what they don’t understand; unfortunately, this is one of those “you need to be there” to fully understand how emotional IF can be.
Secondly, good luck on your IUI! I will say a prayer for it to be successful!
Thank you all for your thoughtful comments. I tried to make to all of your blogs and send emails but not everyone has one. I love blogging and hearing each persons opinions thoughts on an issue!